


the irreplaceable blue

by themorninglark



Category: Free!
Genre: Future Fic, Gen, Implied Relationships, New Year's Eve, OT5, OT5 Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 13:32:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3070040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themorninglark/pseuds/themorninglark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a New Year's Day reunion four years ago, five friends wrote down secrets they'd never told anyone before and buried them in Makoto's garden.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the irreplaceable blue

**Author's Note:**

> This one's for [ordinarycyborg](http://ordinarycyborg.tumblr.com/), who requested a New Year's fic with the prompt "Confession", and also for everyone who has supported my work in 2014. You guys are all amazing. Thank you so much. 
> 
> Happy New Year, everyone! ♥

_"Hey, hey, shall we do something special for this New Year? Since we're all together like this?"_

_"Nagisa-kun, what exactly do you mean by special?"_

_"Like... something to remember the occasion!"_

_"You mean like when we buried those envelopes to remember that occasion, last time?"_

_"Mako-chan! You're a genius! Let's open them!"_

_"You'll be leaving Rin out, then."_

_"It's okay, Haru, it's not like I really want to be involved in this guy's weird schemes..."_

_"No way, Rin-chan! It's so rare we get to see you! I know - since we can't open the old ones, let's write new ones! Let's all write down... mmm... how about a secret we've never told anyone before?"_

_"Eh? Like a confession?"_

_"Yeah, something like that! And we'll bury them in your garden, Mako-chan!"_

_"What the hell, why do I have to do something like this..."_

_"I guess it could be interesting. What do you think, Haru?"_

_"...I don't have secrets."_

_"Haruka-senpai, that's not logically possible, everyone has secrets."_

_"..."_

 

* * *

 

**new year's eve**

**3.07pm**

"Mom, Dad, I'm home!" Makoto calls out as he steps through the front door of his house.

He hears his parents faintly calling "welcome home!" from upstairs, but just as he's taking off his shoes, he gets all the wind knocked out of him by a flying tackle.

"Onii-chan!"

"Ran," he manages to gasp out, barely, "you're a little bit too big to be doing that now."

She laughs, and steps back, glancing over his shoulder. "Where's Haru-chan?"

"That's it?" Makoto teases. "You don't see your onii-chan for a whole six months, and the first thing you ask is 'where's Haru-chan?'"

Ran makes a face and sticks her tongue out at him, a gesture that takes Makoto right back to their childhood, never mind that she's nearly eighteen now and in her final year of high school.

"Haru's on his way," says Makoto, with a smile. "He and Rin just got on the train from Kyoto."

"Rin-kun, Nagisa-kun and Rei-kun will be coming over later too, right?" says his mom, coming down the stairs to give him a hug.

"Yes," says Makoto. "It's been a long time."

A chill wind blows at his back as he shuts the door behind him, taking off his scarf and jacket. It smells of squid and saltwater, and nights running by the beach, years ago.

 

* * *

 

**8.28pm**

There's a sheet of snow lightly dusting the platform when Rei and Nagisa get off the train.

"Ah, this is nostalgic, isn't it?" says Nagisa, making a beeline for the vending machine, where he buys himself a hot yuzu lemon drink and hot green tea for Rei. The steam from their open cans leave white trails in their wake as they walk.

"Yeah," says Rei, looking around at the familiar scenery. "We haven't taken the train this way since..."

"Since the last time we went to Mako-chan's! New Year, four years ago."

"Has it been so long?" says Rei, in surprise.

Nagisa nods. "Well," he says, thoughtfully, "I guess we all got to see each other now and then in between? But the last time we were all together in Iwatobi was that time."

It's strange, thinks Rei, walking down this path again with Nagisa at his side. He can almost feel the years melting away, like the snow beneath their boots and the street lights.

"We were only in our first year of university, then," says Rei.

"Young and innocent, huh?" Nagisa beams, the old familiar sparkle in his eyes.

Rei smiles. "You'll never stop being young and innocent, Nagisa-kun."

"Rei-chan, I'm older than you! I am your _senpai_ in life!"

The sound of a car horn saves Rei from the fact that he has no logical rebuttal to this statement. He looks to the road, where a light pink Toyota is pulling up next to them. The driver rolls down his window, flashes them a grin and jerks his thumb towards the backseat.

"Yo. Get in."

"Rin-chan!" squeals Nagisa in delight, bounding towards the car. "I want to sit in front with you!"

"Whatever, just get in. It's too damn cold to have my window down any longer," says Rin, voice fading as he starts to roll the window back up.

Nagisa gets into the front with Rin, while Rei climbs into the back, grateful for the warmth. "Can I ask, Rin-san... er, why is your car light pink?"

"Because it's Gou's car. She lent it to me for tonight. Any more clever questions?"

"It's totally manly, Rin-chan, you don't have to be ashamed," says Nagisa cheerily.

Rin snorts. "Shut up, you little snot."

He hits the accelerator, and that's when Rei learns first-hand, clinging on to the seat in front of him, that Rin's need for speed in the pool translates to the road with a reckless abandon that reminds him of Haruka-senpai and his constant quest for _freedom_.

 

* * *

 

**10.20pm**

"I'm going out! Bye, Onii-chan, Haru-chan, everyone! Have a happy new year!" Ran calls, slamming the door shut behind her.

"Eighteen years of nagging from Mom and Dad, and she still can't shut the door quietly..." Makoto says, with a resigned sigh.

The snow's still falling lightly outside. They're sitting around Makoto's living room with the heating on, all of them except Haru, who's in the kitchen simmering dashi and soy sauce soup for their toshikoshi-soba. Nagisa takes a deep breath. It smells warm and delicious, and his stomach gives a low rumble.

"Are you hungry _already_ , Nagisa-kun?" Rei asks, looking at him in disbelief.

"I'm always hungry for Haru-chan's cooking!" says Nagisa brightly. He shoots Haru a hopeful look.

Without turning around, Haru spoons a tiny amount of soup and noodles into a bowl and puts it on the counter. "Don't let this spoil your appetite for later," he warns.

Nagisa springs to his feet and grabs the tasting portion. "Nothing spoils my appetite," he says in all seriousness to Haru, lifting the bowl to his lips eagerly.

"It's weird to think of Ran going out with a boyfriend now," Haru remarks, glancing at the front door again.

"It is, a little bit," says Makoto, with a small frown.

Rin lets out an undignified guffaw. "Welcome to _true_ big-brotherhood, Makoto. I guess you too, Haru. You're like, their honorary onii-chan."

"Well..." Makoto muses. "Ran used to have a crush on Haru. So did Ren."

Nagisa nearly chokes on his soup. "Ah, that's _so_ cute!"

"Really?" Haru asks, sounding a little taken aback.

Makoto smiles. "Really. When you weren't around, they used to fight about who would get to date you when they grew up. But I guess neither of them ever confessed to you."

Haru shakes his head, quite emphatically.

"Hey," Rei blurts out. "Speaking of confessions... I just remembered!"

"You got something to confess to us?" Rin says, nudging Rei with a wicked, teasing grin.

"What?" Rei stares at Rin, then starts turning red. "Er, no, I mean, do you remember? Four years ago? We wrote down all our secrets..."

Nagisa starts. He nearly drops the bowl in his hands. "That's right! And we buried them in Mako-chan's garden! I totally forgot!"

"I don't even remember what I wrote now..." says Makoto.

"Me neither," Haru murmurs.

Nagisa puts the bowl back on the counter, next to Haru's elbow, and thinks about his own confession. His heart gives a small flutter and skip.

_I wrote - I wrote that, huh?_

It had seemed so light and easy back then, just to let his thoughts out on paper and and bury them away. Four years ago... at that time, he'd spent eight months somehow muddling through in the local university, with Rei-chan all the way in Kyoto, and they hadn't seen each other at all since university started in April.

But things are different now. They're not the same uncertain teenagers they once were.

Maybe, thinks Nagisa with a confident hope blossoming in his chest, maybe the time has finally come to let his secret fly free.

 

* * *

 

**11.55pm**

"Hurry up, Mako-chan, hurry! It's almost midnight!" Nagisa urges.

Makoto's breathing heavily. In spite of the cold, Rin can see the sweat glistening on his brow, beneath the moonlight.

"Stop complaining, Nagisa," he says, elbowing the younger boy in the ribs. "Why don't _you_ try digging through a foot of snow and frozen ground?"

"Don't worry about it. I'm nearly there," says Makoto, with a smile, as he leans his weight on the shovel again.

Rin cups his gloved hands to his mouth and blows into them. His breath is warm on his fingers. He thinks wistfully about Australia, where he used to spend New Year's Eves in university days, watching the fireworks over Sydney Harbour Bridge in the balmy summer heat.

But he looks around him, at his friends, and he thinks - yeah okay, he'd rather have this - damned winter chill and all.

"Got it!"

Makoto lifts a metal tin out of the earth, dusting the soil off the lid.

"Just in time," says Rei with a smile, looking at his watch.

"I can't believe it's still there," Haru remarks, from beside Rin.

Makoto pries the box open. They all gather round him, peering in curiously.

"Why do all the envelopes look the same?" Makoto asks, reaching in to rifle through them. "How do we know whose is whose?"

"Ah, I remember," says Rei. "We wanted to make it random when we drew them out again. So we each get to read someone else's secret."

"Oh yeah! You're right, Rei-chan!" Nagisa says, with a mischievous grin.

It's all coming back to Rin now. "This was your idea, wasn't it, Nagisa?"

"It was a _genius_ idea! Quick, everyone grab one, it's almost midnight!"

Makoto's the first to take an envelope out of the tin, followed by Nagisa's eager, snatching hand, then Rei's. Haru glances at Rin, who shrugs. "You go first," says Rin.

Haru picks out one, leaving Rin with the last envelope just as the bells from the temple start to toll.

"Happy New Year," says Nagisa, a warm smile on his face as he looks round at the group. "I'm really happy we got to spend it together again like this. Haru-chan, Mako-chan, Rei-chan, Rin-chan. All of us."

"Rin," says Haru, staring at him, "are you crying?"

"Shut _up_ ," Rin mutters, because he totally is. "It's just snow in my eyes, dummy."

Makoto laughs, warm and gentle. "Happy New Year, everyone... shall we open our envelopes together?"

"Yes, let's," Rei says with a nod, looking down at the envelope in his hand.

Rin looks at his own. It's slightly yellowed round the edges. He wonders what to expect, whose secret it holds.

Nagisa takes a deep breath. "Okay! One... two... three."

The sound of paper ripping fills the air, then a sudden silence falls.

Rin takes the square of paper out of his envelope. He knows right away, from the folding, that it's Haru's. Only Haru folds his paper like that, so neatly and carefully. Well, Rei's also a neat person, but on a whole other level; Rei's paper is probably folded into an origami butterfly or something equally outrageous.

Rin's fingers tremble a little - and not just from the cold - as he opens up the paper slowly. _Damn you and your tiny handwriting, Haru,_ he thinks, squinting as he brings it close to his face to read Haru's four-year-old confession.

There's a surprising amount of writing on it, and it takes him a while to read it all.

 _On the night of Obon Festival, in our last year of high school, I had a nightmare._ _That was the night Makoto and I had our first fight._

There's a blank space in the next few lines. Rin's eyes scan further down the paper. Haru's handwriting seems to grow even smaller, as if he's making a huge effort to squeeze the words from his pen.

_I dreamt that I was alone. Completely alone. I was in the water, but instead of being healed, the silence was killing me slowly._  
 _That's why I went to Australia with Rin without arguing when he woke me up in the morning.  
_ _Because I was just so glad to see someone, anyone, to know that my friends hadn't left me._

Rin's hand drops to his side, and he looks at Haru, speechless. He knows he can't blame the tears in his eyes on the snow, now; they're rolling down his face too obviously.

"Oh, it looks like Rin-chan got Haru-chan's confession..."

Haru looks over at Rin, raising his eyebrows in surprise. "What did I write?"

"No, Haru-chan, you're not supposed to ask!" Nagisa yelps.

"Why do I get the feeling you're just making all these rules up as you go along?" asks Rei, pushing his glasses up his nose as he gives Nagisa a pointed look.

"Well, what's the point of letting your secret go only to be reminded of it!"

"So now it's our secret to keep, huh?" Makoto looks up. "I've got yours, Rin."

His gaze finds Rin's, and green eyes look questioningly, uncertain, at him.

Rin remembers what _he_ wrote. He inclines his head at Makoto, answering his unspoken query with a silent nod.

"I've got Makoto's," says Haru. "Which means..."

"Rei-chan and I have each other's! Well, actually, I ended up picking mine, so... Rei-chan, I guess you have yours too? Here you go, let's swap."

Nagisa holds out his slip of paper to Rei with a bright smile. Rei, with a strange awkwardness, casts his gaze downwards as he takes it. He hands his own paper over to Nagisa almost reluctantly. The tips of his ears are turning pink.

"Something about that seems unfair," Rin points out. "You guys know all of each other's secrets anyway. What's there left to confess?"

Nagisa's gaze flicks downwards to the paper in his hand. His eyes widen, and he casts Rei a sidelong glance, unreadable and strangely enigmatic.

"Hmm... you might be surprised, Rin-chan."

 

* * *

  

**new year's day**

**12.45am**

It's nearly one in the morning by the time Rin stands up and declares that everyone who wants a lift home needs to pile into his car right now or they're getting left behind.

"Rin-chaaan," whines Nagisa, as Rei bundles him out of the door firmly, "you're such a bore! The night is still young!"

"Sorry," says Rin, not sounding in the least apologetic. "Pro athlete here. Got to keep good hours for this body."

"Haru-chan is fine!"

Haru yawns in answer, and waves goodnight at Rin, Nagisa and Rei, as they head down the steps towards the main road.

Makoto's unusually silent, he thinks, as he shuts the front door behind them and follows him up to his bedroom. As Makoto gets changed, Haru goes to the cupboard and pulls out the futon, rolling it flat onto the floor. _Just like old times._

"Makoto..."

Makoto turns around. "Haru?"

"Do you remember your secret?"

Makoto smiles at him. "I said I didn't."

"But you do." It's not a question. Haru knows.

Makoto nods, the smile still on his face. "It was really a coincidence you drew it, huh?"

"Yeah. Also, it's not a secret. You totally cheated."

"Well..." Makoto's voice trails off, thoughtfully. "I guess it would have been more of a secret, four years ago."

"No, it wouldn't," says Haru.

Makoto laughs, a little sheepish. "No?"

Haru changes into an old t-shirt. It's one of Makoto's, too large on him. He'd kidnapped it years ago when they were in high school and turned it into one of his sleeping outfits. He doubts Makoto even remembers it's his, actually.

He stretches out on the futon, and reaches a hand upward, towards Makoto's bed.

Makoto takes it, almost instinctively.

"Even four years ago," says Haru, looking at their clasped hands, "I don't think _I've always loved Haru more than anyone else_ would have been a secret, Makoto."

"You always were the best, Haru-chan," says Makoto, softly.

"What are you talking about?" Haru murmurs.

They both laugh, then, at the same time.

Haru shoots Makoto a questioning look. "If it's not about your secret, then... why have you been so quiet?"

Makoto looks a little hesitant. "It's Rin."

"Oh." Haru remembers, now. Makoto had drawn Rin's secret out of the envelope.

"I think... well, I think he doesn't mind me telling you. He nodded at me, when I glanced at him."

Haru shrugs. "You don't have to tell me."

"I think he wants you to know." Makoto goes over to his coat hanger, and takes a folded note from the inner pocket. He hands it to Haru, who reads it quickly.

_I don't know what to write. But well, I guess if I have to write some kind of confession... when I was in Australia during junior high, I once wrote a letter to Haru. Except I couldn't bear to send it, so I sent it to Sousuke instead, and I crossed out some words to make it look like it was written to Sousuke in the first place. I feel kind of bad about it now._

Haru draws in a sharp intake of breath. "That letter!"

Makoto stares at him in surprise. "You know what he's talking about?"

"Yeah." Haru nods, thinking back. He'd all but forgotten about that letter. "Yamazaki... he figured it out. He showed it to me."

"Ah, I see," says Makoto. He starts to laugh again. "So I wasn't the only one who wrote something that wasn't a real confession, after all."

"This was a secret for everyone but me," retorts Haru, folding up Rin's paper and returning it to Makoto. "Yours was a secret to no one."

"What about you, Haru? You really don't remember what you wrote?" asks Makoto. He yawns, turning on his side to hug his pillow.

Haru gets up and turns out the light, leaving only a thin sliver of moonlight falling across his futon.

"It's funny," he says, getting back under the warmth of the blankets. "I really don't. I remember it was something that bothered me at the time, but I guess... I guess after all these years, whatever it is doesn't worry me anymore."

Makoto doesn't say anything for a while. When he speaks again, Haru can hear the gentle smile in his drowsy voice.

"That's good, then, isn't it?"

"Yeah." Haru smiles into his pillow. "Goodnight, Makoto. Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year, Haru."

**Author's Note:**

> The letter that Rin and Haru are talking about is from _High Speed! 2_. You can read the relevant bit [here](http://janeypeixes.tumblr.com/post/94941754804/high-speed-2-chapter-8-light), towards the middle of the chapter.
> 
> I blatantly stole the title of the fic from NEO BLUE BREATHING which is kind of my favourite song ever. And I'll... leave all the implied relationships here to your imaginations. Feel free to interpret them as you wish ;)
> 
> Thank you for reading! Your comments and kudos are super appreciated, and you can [find me on Tumblr](http://themorninglark.tumblr.com/). 
> 
> Have an amazing 2015 :)


End file.
